


Hopscotch is Not a Happy Word

by Cumberbatch Critter (ivelostmyspectacles)



Series: Mommy and Daddy's World Hopping - Between the Pages [5]
Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: M/M, PTSD Fai, Safewords, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4902154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/Cumberbatch%20Critter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm fine," Fai said shortly. "I don't know what came over me."</p><p>"Mm."</p><p>"Really, Kuro-sama. That's what the safe word is for, right?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hopscotch is Not a Happy Word

**Author's Note:**

> I love toying with the idea that _any_ of my fav characters have PTSD of some sort, so Fai's past? Well, it was obvious that I _had_ to write this.
> 
> I do not own _Tsubasa_. Thanks for reading!

All Fai was suddenly aware of was the crushing pressure against his chest, his arms, his legs, locking him in place, frozen, shadows of memories clawing at his peripheral vision, and, suddenly, he couldn't _breathe_. The flicker of the candles were flashes of lightning, creating after-effects of design beneath Fai's closed eyelids, the futon beneath his back was a bed of nails and Fai squirmed, air like molasses, and _tried_ not to panic.

There was something, something he ought to be remembering, saying, doing, but the pictures of a half portal and Fei Wong Reed's face were in his mind, and the pressure on his shoulder was Ashura-ou's, and he could hear Fai calling his name from atop the tower expanding high into the clouds, and

"Hopscotch!"

That was what he'd been trying to remember.

"Fai?"

Fai inhaled sharply, briefly hating the name, _his_ name, himself. It reminded him of the things that he hadn't been to protect, or to change. But the voice it was said in helped to combat the loathing, and Fai breathed out, letting his exhale tremble, and focused on the fact that Kurogane's gruff tone was completely unlike any of the people in his past.

Still, Fai shook his head a little bit, tossing it side to side on the pillow, flexing his wrists a little bit. Kurogane's weight fell off of him as he sat aside, and Fai scrambled to sit up. The futon was too uncomfortable, and hot, and oppressive, and he felt cramped and restrained and unable to function.

He staggered to his feet and headed for the window, fingers shaking as he hit the latch and pushed it open. The blast of cold air that ruffled through his hair, over his overheated skin, was water to his drowning soul and he gulped it in greedily, propping his elbows on the windowsill. What a mess.

When Kurogane had insisted on a safe word before they'd begun to explore their sexual relationship, Fai had laughed and grabbed the nearest book and put his finger on a random word and _hopscotch_ was their safe word. It was cute, and it wasn't a normal part of their dialogue, so it worked. But they'd never actually had to _use_ it; Fai had never expected to and Kurogane never backed down from a challenge and so, he'd laughed in the face of a safe word. Turns out that he was one who needed it the most.

Fai startled at the brush of fabric against his skin, before he realized that it was only Kurogane wrapping the furisode around him. Fai hummed and gripped loosely at the clothing, slipping his arms into the sleeves and wrapping it around himself. "Thank you." He rest his head on his hand, closing his eyes.

Kurogane grunted and said nothing else, standing silently behind him.

"I'm fine," Fai said shortly. The fresh air smelled like grass and leaves and flowers. The wind made his hair blow. When he kept his eyes closed, he could pretend he was flying. "I don't know what came over me."

"Mm."

Fai smiled lightly, twisting around and placing his hand against Kurogane's cheek. "Really, Kuro-sama. That's what the safe word is for, right?"

"Hard limits," Kurogane replied shortly, and Fai nodded slightly. So it seemed.

" _Well_ ," Fai said, dragging out the word teasingly, "I guess I'll just have to top you from now on!" he said, looping his arms around Kurogane's neck. He didn't quite hit the level of playful cheer he was aiming for, and Kurogane, unsurprisingly, did not smile.

And maybe just as unsurprisingly, although Fai didn't think so, Kurogane didn't either pull him closer or push him away. In fact, Kurogane just stood there, unmoving as Fai hung onto him.

Fai leaned forward, resting his forehead against Kurogane's shoulder. "You can touch me, you know," he said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

Fai nodded. "Yeah."

Kurogane's arms settled around Fai's waist, fingers looping against the small of his back. He didn't move any slower than usual, but there was a certain hesitance in the touch. "Alright?" he asked lowly.

"Of course." Fai pouted a bit, but didn't raise his head from Kurogane's shoulder as he spoke again. "I'm not _that_ fragile, Kuro-san."

The unspoken response was deafeningly loud: _Yes, you are._

Fai laughed a bit. "Well, I've completely ruined the mood," he said, changing the subject, a bit. "We could try for another-"

"No," Kurogane interrupted immediately.

Secretly, Fai was a little glad. "... Cuddle, then?" he asked quietly, pressing a little closer into Kurogane's body.

"Yeah."

Fai hid his smile in Kurogane's neck before pulling away, taking Kurogane's hand. "Cuddles with Kuro-puu~" he said as cheerfully as he could manage.

"Stop calling me that."

Kurogane didn't pull him up on the momentary lapse of control, although Fai was certain it was on his mind as much as it was on Fai's. But that was what was great about Kuro-sama; he noticed everything - even if he shouldn't - even if he didn't talk about it. Because Fai didn't _like_ talking. About that. Sort of thing.

He'd rather cuddle.

"Love you, Kuro," he said, sometime later, when bugs were singing outside and the glow from the moon illuminated their room, and Fai's head was on Kurogane's chest, completely calmed down, and about to fall asleep.

Kurogane huffed quietly. "Yeah. You too, idiot."

"Kuuuro, so _mean_." Fai smiled.

Kurogane laughed - not really a laugh, but an amused exhale that Fai only heard when they were tangled up in bed together, reserved solely for him - and shifted to kiss the top of Fai's head.

They may not be perfect, but his shattered pieces were repaired by Kurogane's, and maybe, no, definitely, they would figure it out along the way.

 


End file.
